THE LORDS OF CARNAGE MC Collection: The Complete Series (Books 1-12) by Loveling Daphne

Author:Loveling, Daphne
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-06-06T00:00:00+00:00

4

JEWEL

Standing in the waiting room in the tiny bus station in Tanner Springs, my mind is half on yesterday’s party, and half on the fact that I’m about to see my brother for the first time in almost six years.

It didn’t occur to me until I got here that if my mother had bothered to give me Jude’s cell phone number, I could have just called him and asked him which bus he was on and what time he was getting in. Assuming he has a cell phone, that is — but what seventeen year-old boy doesn’t?

The realization that I don’t even know my own brother’s phone number hits me in the gut and brings home to me once again what a terrible sister I’ve been. When he stopped responding to my letters years ago, I told myself that he was a teenager and that I should just give him space. I told myself — I hoped — that eventually he might start answering again, as he got older and more mature. But how could I have been so disconnected from Jude that I didn’t even know he was getting into trouble back home? It feels unforgivable, even though I was trying to do the right thing at the time.

Yesterday at Noah’s birthday party, I suddenly realized that in my mind, my baby brother is still Noah’s age. My brain froze Jude in time as the wide-eyed, sunny-smiled little boy that I so adored. Maybe it was because I didn’t want to admit to myself that he was growing up without me, I let myself keep on thinking of him as the same little boy he always had been. But seeing Noah playing with all the other Lords of Carnage kids — still a child, just on the cusp of adolescence — sent a kick straight to my gut. It made me sad to think how much of my own brother’s life I’ve missed out on. How many birthday parties he should have had, but probably didn’t. Because I know my mother wouldn’t have thought to throw him one. Growing up, on our birthdays, our parents would grudgingly give us a present, but they always judged spending money for those sorts of parties as ridiculous. In their minds, they couldn’t see why a birthday was important to celebrate. After all, it wasn’t like being born was some sort of accomplishment. They thought people who wanted parties thrown for them were weak and sentimental. There was no place in our household for that kind of childish nonsense.

Of course, it would have been worthless to point out to either her or my father that we would have liked that kind of childishness — because we actually were children.

If I’d been around for Jude — if I’d stayed, instead of leaving town — I could have thrown him birthday parties myself. I could at least have taken him out to eat somewhere on his special day. I could have had the restaurant bring out a slice of cake with a candle in it.

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